Dream Vatican Document

I have a dream that one day...some day...there will be a document that comes out of the Vatican that reads *something* like this:

AN ABSOLUTLY FAKE MOTU PROPRIO BANNING THE USE OF 'FLAKEY' LANGUAGE IN HOMILIES

To my Venerable Brothers the Cardinals, Patriarchs, Archbishops, Bishops, Priests, Deacons and to all the People of God. Thirty years ago many of you began to use terribly insufficient and misleading language in your homilies. This language has done irreparable damage to the state of the souls entrusted to you. I now intend to explain the words and phrases that I have banned. In the interest of being a pastor I will provide you with some possible acceptable alternatives.

1. "Troubles" is banned--replace with Sin if you desire to go above and beyond delineate between Venial and Mortal.

2. "Spiritual Help" is banned--encourage people to seek Confession--not the nebulous 'spiritual help'.

3. "Worship Service" is banned--speak of the awesome Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

4. "Faith Community" is banned--speak of the reality of the Church

5. "Eucharistic Minister"* is banned (unless you are actually a Eucharistic Minister--Bishop or Priest)--there is no substitute for this. Also, immediately suspend the faculties of all of the "Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion" who may be serving under your supervision.

6. "Supernatural Assistance" is banned--speak of God's Grace.

7. "In the Name of the Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier" is banned--in this Church we don't identify People only by what they DO for US rather who they are--use of "In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit*" is mandatory. *Holy Ghost also acceptable.

8. "American Church" is banned--you may speak of the Holy Catholic Church in America--you may not speak of an "American Church."

9. "Banquet of Love and Acceptance" is banned--use Holy Sacrifice of the Mass

10. "Mother Creator" is banned--Father Almighty is to be used.

11. "Spirit of Vatican II" is banned--if you ever have an intention of using the "Spirit" of the Council then you are required first to present yourself before the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and explain to the Congregation your view of the "spirit"--though in the intrest of time it is my reccomendation that you dispense with your views of the "spirit" of the council and just stick to quoting the documents.

Given on the dream date in the future on the first day of my dream Pontificate.